Profession Jokes

Bad News V Good News

Doctor: I have some good news and I have some bad news, which shall I tell first?
Patient: Do begin with the bad news, please.
Doctor: Alright. Your son has drowned, your daughter has been raped, your wife has divorced you, your house got blown away, and you have AIDS.
Patient: Good grief! What's the good news?
Doctor: The good news is that there is no more bad news.

Categories: Profession Jokes (Other Doctor Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Divorce Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Son Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Daughter Jokes) , Funny Thoughts
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Midget Visits the Doctor

A midget walks into the doctors and says, "Doc, I've got these fucking itchy balls and I can't do anything to stop 'em itching." The Doc says, "I can see the problem and I'll fix it for ya." So the Doc pulls out a pair of scissors and tells the Midget to close his eyes. The midget hears snip, snip snip noises for about 5 minutes. The doc finishes and says, "How's that?" The midget says, "Fucking brilliant, what did you do?" The Doc says, "I trimmed back your high boots."

Categories: Profession Jokes (Other Doctor Jokes) , Sex Jokes (Private Parts) , Appearance Jokes (Midget / Dwarf Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Break-In

A man sees someone breaking into his shed. He calls police. They say they don't have anyone available right now. They'll be there as soon as they can, but it may be two hours. The man hangs up.
A few minutes later he calls again and tells them to take their time. He's pulled out his rifle and shot the man. He's not going anywhere. Within minutes the place is swarming with police, helicopters, cars, dogs, etc. They find the man breaking into the shed and arrest him.
The police go to the man, "I thought you said you shot him!" The man responds "I thought you said you had no one available."
 

Categories: Profession Jokes (Police Jokes)
Anonymous