Pilot in Trouble

A young blonde pilot is taking her first flying lesson in a two-seater plane. Her instructor suffers a sudden heart attack and dies.
"May day! May day! Help me! Help me! My instructor pilot is dead and I don't know how to fly!"
She hears a voice over the radio saying, "This is Air Traffic control. We can hear you loud and clear. I'll talk you through this and get you back on the ground safely. I've had a lot of experiences with this kind of problem. Now just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Give me your height and position."
The blonde replies, "I'm 5'7 and in the front seat."
(After a long pause)
"Okay," says the the voice in the radio, "Now repeat after me.....Our Father Who art in heaven...."

Vocab 101

Fred goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, I want to be castrated." Doc says, "Look, I don't know what kind of cult you're into or what your motives are, but I'm not going to do that sort of operation." Fred says, "Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I'm a little embarrassed about talking about it, but I have $5,000 cash right here. Will you do it?" Doc says, "Well, OK, I guess I could make this one exception. I don't understand it, but OK." He puts Fred to sleep, does the trick, and is waiting at the bedside when Fred wakes up. "Well, Doc, how'd it go?" Fred asks. "It went fine, just fine. It's really not too difficult of an operation. As a matter of fact, $5,000 is a lot to pay for such a simple task, and I felt a little guilty about taking that much. So, while I was operating, I also noticed that you had never been circumcised, so I went ahead and did that, too. I think, it's really better for a man to be circumcised, and I hope you don't mind my..." "CIRCUMCISED!" yells Fred. "THAT'S the word!!!"

Think Quality

A lady swallowed a super Gillette razor blade and her doctor discovered that not only had she given herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy and a hysterectomy, but she had also castrated her husband, circumcised her lover, taken two fingers off a casual acquaintance, and given a vicar a hair lip. And, there were still 5 shaves left!