Started From The Bottom...

Proctologist: The rare profession in which the M.D. starts out at the bottom and stays there.

Five Penises

A man goes into a doctor's office and says "Doctor! Doctor! I have five penises!" The doctor says, "Good lord! How do your pants fit?" The man replies, "Like a glove."

Don't Say To Security

The Top 10 Things You Should Not Say To A Security Guard When Caught Stealing Coins From A Mall Fountain

1. "Isn't there a robbery at the Orange Julius you should be investigating?"
2. "I'm searching for a hard to find 1998 nickel."
3. "DUH!! The Gap is having a sale!"
4. "Did you know that it now costs 35 cents to make a phone call?"
5. "Thanks idiot... I had just made a wish that I could clean the fountain out and not get caught! Way to ruin that wish!!"
6. "Have you seen that really cool gumball machine in the food court? It rolls down a spiral ramp!"
7. "I'm at the last level of Mortal Kombat IV and I need another quarter."
8. "I'm trying to match the exact amount of your worthless paycheck you Barney Fife wannabe!"
9. "See..I need a quarter to make a phone call to my Kleptomaniacs Anonymous sponsor and that's why I'm stealing the quarters in the fountain. I NEED HELP MAN!!!"
10. "I'm looking for beer money"