Farmer Brown's Son

One day, Farmer Brown went behind his barn and found to his dismay that his son, Jeb, was jerking off. He vowed to his son that he was going to help him find a wife, so he would not have to be doing this. Sure enough, the father was able to find a suitable bride just right down the road and the couple was married shortly thereafter. Six weeks later the farmer was again going behind the barn and caught his son vigorously jerking off. The farmer went berzerk. "Why are you still doing this, why aren't you with your wife?" "Aw Paw," said the son, "Her little old arm gets so tired."

No Fishing

A man is fishing next to a No Fishing sign and sees a Sheriff coming his direction. He hides his fishing rod, and silently watches the water:
Good morning, officer, is it something wrong? Sheriff, "The sign says No Fishing, can't you read?" Man, "I'm not fishing sir, why would you think that?" Sheriff, "Because you have a bucket full of fish." Man, "Oh, that! Those fish are my pets, I take them here for a swim and when I whistle and they come back, jump back to the bucket and we go home." Sheriff, "Okay, show me."
The man proceeds to empty the bucket with the fish into the water, and waits.
(awkward silence)
Sheriff, "So...Are you going to call the fish?"
Man, "What fish?"

Dentist Recognition

Q: What does a dentist get on his five-year work anniversary?
A: A little plaque.