Q: When you go to the hospital how do you find the head nurse?
A: Look for the nurse with dirty knees and swollen lips!
Q: Why did the student eat her homework?
A: Because the teacher said it would be a 'piece of cake'.
Dat Ain't Bubba
Bubba got drunk and died in a fire in his trailer. He was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they called his two buddies Jim-Bob and Billy-Joe to I.D. him. Jim-Bob went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. "Yep, he's got burned up purdy bad. Roll 'im over," said Jim-Bob. The mortician rolled him over, Jim-Bob looked at his butt and said, "Nope, dat ain't Bubba." Not saying anything, but finding it a bit strange, the mortician brought in Billy-Joe to I.D. the body. "Yep, he's burned up real bad. Roll 'im over," said Billy-Joe. The mortician rolled him over, Billy-Joe looked down at his butt and said, "Dat ain't Bubba." "How can you tell?" asked the mortician. "Cause Bubba had two assholes," replied Billy-Joe. "Two assholes? That's impossible!" said the mortician. "Yep. Everyone in town knowed Bubba had two assholes, cause every time the three of us went to town, everyone would yell, 'here comes Bubba with them two assholes!"
Day After Christmas
It's the day after Christmas and young Johnny rides his new bike up to a stop light where a policeman on his horse is waiting for the light to change. The policeman looks over at Johnny and says, "Got that bike for Christmas, sonny?" The youngster responds, proudly, "Ya, Santa brought it for me." The policeman then proceeds to write the young fellow a bicycle violation ticket for not having a reflector on the back bumper and hands it to him saying, "Well, next time you better tell him to put a light on it." Johnny looks at the citation, looks back up at the cop and says, "And did Santa bring you that horse?" Humoring the youngster, the policeman answers, "Why, yes, he did." To which Johnny responds, "Well, next time you better tell him to put the dick underneath the horse, not on top."
Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him."‘I don't know," he said. "She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."