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The best jokes and joke writers!

Honesty is the best policy

A very, very rich gentleman dies, leaving his fortune to his only living friends, a Doctor, a CEO, and a Lawyer. But being the eccentric he was, his will stipulated that each one must place their third of the money in his coffin before he is put in his final resting place. The funeral comes and goes. Over a year later the three friends are talking over lunch and the topic of the old man and his strange ways comes into the conversation. The Doctor finally says "I have to be honest, I didn't place ALL of the money into his coffin, I kept five million". Then the CEO states "Well, I have to admit that I too kept some of the cash. Ten million to be exact". The Lawyer glares at the two and says, "I am ashamed of you two, I wrote a check for the full amount!"

Drunks in a Cemetary

A drunk staggered into a cemetery on Halloween night and fell into a freshly dug grave. Pretty soon a second drunk staggered by. "Get me out of here," said the one in the grave, "I'm cold." The other one looked over the edge and said, "No wonder you're cold, you poor guy. You don't have any dirt on you."

The Sick Coffin

A funeral procession was winding it's way to the cemetery on top of the hill outside town, when the hearse hit a bump.  The coffin was bumped loose, fell out onto the road and began sliding back toward town down a steep hill. It slid faster and faster. Finally, it reached the town and was skidding its way down Main St. when suddenly, at one intersection, the coffin hit a curb, flew onto the sidewalk, smashed through the front glass window of the pharmacy, and slammed up against the prescription counter.  The lid popped off, the corpse sat up and said, "You got anything to stop this coffin?"

Newfoundland Fisherman Burial

This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed and summons his 3 sons to his bedside. "Well boys, the time is near, and when I pass I'd like to be buried at sea." So the boys agreed. A few days after his passing, the local front page read, "Local Fishermen Were Shocked Today When Their Nets Brought in Patrick McRay in a Coffin, 3 Shovels and the Bodies of His Three Sons... Funeral arrangements haven't yet been made, however, it is believed all wished to be buried at sea."

Jittery Taxi Driver

A taxi passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, goes up on the footpath, and stops centimeters from a shop window. For a second, everything goes quiet in the cab, then the driver says, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologizes and says, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.” The driver replies, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."