Perfectly Healthy

"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."
Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."
The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."
The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."

Four Expectant Fathers

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and proudly announced to the first man, "Congratulations, sir. You're the father of twins!" "What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins Baseball team!" Later the nurse returned and congratulated the second father on the birth of his triplets. "Wow! That's incredible! I work for the 3M Corporation." An hour later, the nurse returned to congratulate the third man on the birth of his quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply, "I don't believe it! I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!" After this, everyone turned to the fourth guy who had just fainted. The nurse rushed to his side. As he slowly gained consciousness, they could hear him mutter over and over, "I should never have taken that job at 7-Eleven...."

The Virgin of Ten Marriages

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What!?!" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

• "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative.  He kept telling me how great it was going to be.  
• Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
• Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
• Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
• Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
• Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
• Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
• Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
• Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!