When To Buy

Q: When is the best time to buy budgies?
A: When they're going cheap!

A Curtain

Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a curtain.
Psychiatrist: Pull yourself together!
 

Missing Goose

Confessor: I have stolen a fat goose from a poultry yard!
Priest: That is very wrong.
Confessor: Would you like to accept it, Father?
Priest: Certainly not- return it to the man whom you stole it from.
Confessor: But I have offered it to him and he won't have it.
Priest: In that case you may keep it yourself.
Confessor: Thank you, Father.
The Priest arrived home to find one of his geese had been stolen...