Be Politically Correct With Men

• He does not have a FAT BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
• He is not a CRAP DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
• He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
• He does not SLEEP AROUND - He is HORIZONTALLY OVER-GENEROUS.
• He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
• He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
• He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
• He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He is a SWINE EMPATHIZING BIGOT.
• He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
• He does not STINK - He has HYGIENE AVERSION SYNDROME.
• He is not a GROPING PERVERT - He suffers from COMPULSIVE HAND MOVEMENT DISORDER.
• He is not OBSESSED WITH TELEVISED SPORTS - He has AN ATHLETIC TELEVISUAL ADDICTION.
• He does not IGNORE YOU - He has ATTENTION SPAN DEFICIT DISORDER.
• He is not a LAZY, MESSY SLOB - He LACKS HAND-VACUUM COORDINATION.
• He does not tell ENDLESS, BORING, UNFUNNY JOKES - He is HUMORLY OVER-CONFIDENT.
• He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.

Hello

Q: Why didn't the sanitary pads say hello to the Tampax?
A: Because the Tampax were stuck-up bitches!

Bee-Line

Q: What's a bee-line?
A: The shortest distance between two buzz-stops!