Yo Mama - Thinking
Yo' Mama is so bald, I can see what she's thinking.
Bald Man with Holy Pockets
Q: Why did the bald man cut a hole in his pocket?
A: He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
A Bald Headed, Peg-legged Halloween!
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg gets invited to a halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note. "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate." The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says: "Dear Sir, sorry about before, please find enclosed a monks habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part." Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head and he writes the company a scathing letter of complaint. The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads: "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a jar of caramel. Pour the jar of caramel over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a candy apple!"
Two old friends who love to push each other's buttons are in a bar, drinking. One reaches over and feels the other's bald head. "Good God! This feels just like my wife's ass!" The man whose head it is runs his hand over it, too.
"So it does! So it does!"
Be Politically Correct With Men
- He does not have a FAT BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
- He is not a CRAP DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
- He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
- He does not SLEEP AROUND - He is HORIZONTALLY OVER-GENEROUS.
- He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
- He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
- He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
- He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He is a SWINE EMPATHIZING BIGOT.
- He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
- He does not STINK - He has HYGIENE AVERSION SYNDROME.
- He is not a GROPING PERVERT - He suffers from COMPULSIVE HAND MOVEMENT DISORDER.
- He is not OBSESSED WITH TELEVISED SPORTS - He has AN ATHLETIC TELEVISUAL ADDICTION.
- He does not IGNORE YOU - He has ATTENTION SPAN DEFICIT DISORDER.
- He is not a LAZY, MESSY SLOB - He LACKS HAND-VACUUM COORDINATION.
- He does not tell ENDLESS, BORING, UNFUNNY JOKES - He is HUMORLY OVER-CONFIDENT.
- He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.