Join a Club

The Yoko Club? - Oh no.
The German philosophy club? - I. Kant.
The Ford-Nixon club? - Pardon me?
The Arafat club? - Yessir.
The Alzheimer's club? - Forget it.
The Ebert movie club? - Roger.
The Groucho Marx club? - You bet your life.
The Peter Pan club? - Never. Never.
The Japanese theater club? - Noh.
The quarterback club? - I'll pass.
The Rhett Butler club? - I don't give a damn.
The compulsive rhymers club? - Okey-dokey.
The Spanish optometrists club? - Si.
The Anti-perspirant club? - Sure.
The pregnancy club? - Conceivably.
The Procrastinator's Club? - Maybe next week...
The Self Esteem Builders? - They wouldn't accept me anyway
The Agoraphobics Society? - Only if they meet at my house
The Co-Dependence Club? - Can I bring a friend?
The Prayer Group? - God willing!

Ant Missing School

Q: What do you call an ant who skips school? 
A: A truant!

What's Up Doc?

Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation and was about to close, the patient awakes, sits up, and demands to know what is going on. "I'm about to close,"  the surgeon says. The patient grabs the surgeon's hand and says, "I'm not going to let you do that! I'll close my own incision!" The doctor hands him the thread and says, "Go ahead... Suture self"!