Rain Check

A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down. "Is this yours?" he asked. She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed. On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to have dinner. There's plenty; would you like to join me?" He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?" The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?" "No," she replied, "Only those who catch my eye!"

Hot Bath

Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.

Student Bloopers - Part I

This is a collection of actual student bloopers collected by teachers from 8th grade through college.

• Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.
• They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot.
• The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
• The Bible is full of interesting caricatures.
• In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
• One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"
• Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients.
• Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.
• He died before he ever reached Canada.
• The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history.
• The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
• Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him.
• Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
• In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.
• Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
• The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
• Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
• Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted, "hurrah."
• It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.
• Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
• And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.