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The best jokes and joke writers!

Longest Word in the English Language

Q: What is the longest word in the English language?

A: SMILES - There is a mile between the first and last letter!

Golfing Posture

A lady golfer is stung by a wasp. She goes to look for the green keeper and finds him. "I've been stung by a wasp" She says. "Where did it get you?" He replies "Between the 1st and 2nd hole" "I think your stance must be a little too wide"

Cats' Magazine

Q: What magazine do cats like to read?

A: Good Mousekeeping.

Cow Twitch

Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?

A: Beef Jerky!

Scripture Saves the Day

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house. Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, "STOP! Acts 2:38!" ("Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.") As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several officers arrived and took the man into custody. As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked, "Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was mention a scripture verse." "Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"