Illinois Jokes

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Dumb Illinois Laws

• You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.
• You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.
• You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.
• The English language is not to be spoken.
• Chicago Law, forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
• It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
• Kites may not be flown within the city limits.
• Spitting is forbidden
• In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb.
• It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe's neck.
• It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
• Champaign - One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth.
• Cicero - Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.
• Crete - Cars may not be driven through the town.
• Des Plaines - Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.
• Eureka - A man with a mustache may not kiss a woman.
• Evanston - Bowling is forbidden.
• It is illegal to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.
• It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
• Fairfield - It is unlawful for "negroes" to be within county boundaries from sundown to sunrise.
• Freeport - It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window.
• Galesburg - There is a $1,000 dollar fine for beating rats with baseball bats.
• Homer - It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement officer.
• Joliet - Town fathers, reflecting the pet peeve of hearing their town's name mispronounced 'Jolly-ETTE' when all local folk know it's pronounced 'Joe-lee-ETTE', made pronouncing it Jolly-ette a misdemeanor, punishable by a $5 fine.
• Kenilworth - A rooster must step back three hundred feet from any residence if he wishes to crow. Hens that wish to cackle must step two hundred feet back from any residence.
• Kirkland - Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kirkland's streets.
• Moline - Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is prohibited.
• There is a ban on unnecessary repetitive driving on 23rd Avenue.
• Morton Grove - You may not own a handgun
• Normal - It is against the law to make faces at dogs.
• Orland Park - No pool tables are allowed in a public establishment, because it supports gambling.
• Ottawa - Spitting on the sidewalk is a criminal offense.
• Park Ridge - Trucks may only park inside closed garages.
• Peoria - Basketball hoops may not be installed on a driveway.
• Zion - It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, or any other domesticated animals. 

State Capitals

A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde.
Her friend tells her, "Go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?"
The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!"
The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the capital of Montana?"
The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"

Alaska Tourism Warning

If you are considering doing some camping this summer, please note the following public service announcement: In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears (brown, black, etc.), but be careful because they don't scare Grizzly Bears. Tourists are cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying particular attention to bear droppings to be alert for the presence of Grizzly Bears. One can easily spot a Grizzly dropping because it has tiny bells in it.