U.S. State Jokes - Florida Jokes
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile... somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
I was traveling between West Palm Beach and Boca Raton the other day when a tire blew out. Checking my spare, I found that it, too, was flat. My only option was to flag down a passing motorist and get a ride to the next town. The first vehicle to stop was an old man in a van. He yelled out the window, "Need a lift?" "Yes, I sure do," I replied. "You a Republican or Democrat?" asked the old man. "Republican," I replied. "Well, you can just go to Hell," yelled the old man as he sped off.
Another guy stopped, rolled down the window, and asked me the same question. Again, I gave the same answer, "Republican." The driver gave me the finger and drove off.
I thought it over and decided that maybe I should change my strategy, since this area seemed to be overly political and there appeared to be few Republicans. The next car to stop was a red convertible driven by a beautiful blonde. She smiled seductively and asked if I was a Republican or Democrat. "Democrat!" I shouted. "Hop in!" replied the blonde. Driving down the road, I couldn't help but stare at the gorgeous woman in the seat next to me, the wind blowing through her hair, perfect breasts and a short skirt that continued to ride higher and higher up her thighs.
Finally, I yelled, "Please stop the car." She immediately slammed on the brakes and as soon as the car stopped, I jumped out. "What's the matter?" she asked. "I can't take it anymore," I replied. "I've only been a Democrat for five minutes and already I want to screw somebody."
Still Got It
I've sure gotten old; I've had two By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, I take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts, have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. I've lost all my friends, but thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license!
Q: What's the difference between the lost city of Atlantis and Miami?
A: About 24 hours.
Show Me The Money!
- A fool and his money are asked to go everywhere!
- A fool and his money are soon elected.
- A fool and his money are soon popular.
- A fool and his money is my kind of customer!
- If money's the root of all evil, why do churches want it?
- All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy.
- Come to Florida, bring money, BUT GET THE HECK OFF OUR BEACH!
- Even the blind can see money.
- Expert - Someone who knows less, but makes more money.
- It's not the money I want, it's the stuff.
- Life is a game. Money is how we keep score.
- Money burns a hole in my pocket... how about yours?
- Money is like an arm or leg, use it or lose it.
- Money is the root of all bills.
- Money may buy "friendship," but it cannot buy love.
- Money Talks - and it usually says NO!!
- Never forget a friend, especially if he owes you money.
- Political Motto: I had some morals; sold them for money.
- This country has the best politicians money can buy.
- Time and Money. Two things we don't have enough of....
- Turbo-Tax took money out of my Quicken directory.
- Visit your money this year - vacation in Washington D.C.
- When money talks, it usually says "Bend over."
- You infernal machine! Give me a soda or my money back!
- Alimony? ... sounds kind like all your money
- No one kills over drugs ... They kill over money.
- Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.