U.S. State Jokes - Florida Jokes
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile... somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
Show Me The Money!
- A fool and his money are asked to go everywhere!
- A fool and his money are soon elected.
- A fool and his money are soon popular.
- A fool and his money is my kind of customer!
- If money's the root of all evil, why do churches want it?
- All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy.
- Come to Florida, bring money, BUT GET THE HECK OFF OUR BEACH!
- Even the blind can see money.
- Expert - Someone who knows less, but makes more money.
- It's not the money I want, it's the stuff.
- Life is a game. Money is how we keep score.
- Money burns a hole in my pocket... how about yours?
- Money is like an arm or leg, use it or lose it.
- Money is the root of all bills.
- Money may buy "friendship," but it cannot buy love.
- Money Talks - and it usually says NO!!
- Never forget a friend, especially if he owes you money.
- Political Motto: I had some morals; sold them for money.
- This country has the best politicians money can buy.
- Time and Money. Two things we don't have enough of....
- Turbo-Tax took money out of my Quicken directory.
- Visit your money this year - vacation in Washington D.C.
- When money talks, it usually says "Bend over."
- You infernal machine! Give me a soda or my money back!
- Alimony? ... sounds kind like all your money
- No one kills over drugs ... They kill over money.
- Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.
Still Got It
I've sure gotten old; I've had two By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, I take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts, have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. I've lost all my friends, but thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license!
Safe to Swim Here?
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
Q: What's the difference between the lost city of Atlantis and Miami?
A: About 24 hours.