Top 10 Signs You Are 'Burned Out'

1. You're so tired you now answer the phone, "Hell."
2. Your friends call to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back, jerk!"
3. Your garbage can IS your "in" box.
4. You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care.
5. You have so much on your mind, you've forget often how to think.
6. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through ...er.... Monday.
7. You sleep more at work than at home.
8. You leave for a party and instinctively take your ID badge.
9. Your Day Timer exploded a week ago.
10. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.

Top 10 Ways to Confuse Santa Clause on Christmas

Top 10 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus on Christmas
10. Instead of milk and cookies leave Santa a Weight Watchers bar and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds!
9. While Santa's in the house... go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket!
8. While Santa's in the house... replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to fly!
7. Keep a bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big fat Santa suit!!
6. Leave a note by the telephone telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wants to remind him to pick up a loaf of bread on his way home.
5. Take everything out of your house as if it has just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well, well? They always return to the scene of the crime"
4. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute corrections.
3. Leave out a Santa suit with a dry-cleaning bill.
2. Instead of Christmas ornaments decorate your tree with pumpkins!
1. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa Claus to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us buddy!"

Top 10 Things Heard in a Tax Office

The Top 10 Things Overheard In A Tax Preparer's Office Prior To The Tax Filing Deadline

1. No sir, the government does not want you to pay your taxes in pennies.
2. I have a hard time believing that a garbage collector made $150,000 last year so for the last time, DID YOU HAVE ANY OTHER SOURCE OF INCOME!!!
3. How cute... a tax form done in crayon.
4. No sir, it's do your taxes every year and renew your driver's license every 4 years, not the other way around.
5. Just because you talk to your plants ma'am, you cannot, repeat CANNOT list them as your dependents.
6. No Ms Lewinsky, your oval office "contributions" are not the same as when you check the dollar box at the top of your 1040 form.
7. Even if you are a hooker, the number of orgasms you've had cannot count as a business expense.
8. I'm sorry, I'm not sure I follow your "Give me an extension and I'll give you an extension later at my place" argument.
9. I take it that because you have decided to do origami with your tax form that you're not receptive to paying your taxes this year.
10. Just remember the IRS motto, buddy: Screw us now, we'll screw you later!!