We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

AB Answering Machine

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

Answering Machine - Cheers TV

Cheers TV show theme song, "Where Everybody Knows your Name": Sometimes you make a call, Where you gotta leave your name, 'Cuz I can't come to the phone, You gotta leave a message here, right after the tone. You made a call, Where you gotta leave your name. 

Answering Machine - Beep Software

Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 1.05. Counting down to test: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... 

Answering Machine - Star Trek

(Star Trek theme in the background:) (Voice 1:) Room 17, the final frontier. (Voice 2:) These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its two semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number. (Voice 3:) To boldly inform you to wait for the tone.

Answering Machine - Flying Saucer

Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away. Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer.