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The best jokes and joke writers!

Answering Machine - Flying Saucer

Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away. Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer.

Answering Machine - Busy

All our answering machines are busy. Please hold. (Pause.) All our answering machines are... (CLICK) This is the answering machine of...

Voices

Blonde: "Doc, you've gotta help me. I keep hearing voices." Doc: "When are you hearing these voices?" Blonde: "When I'm on the telephone."

Alien Answering Machine

I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my brain. Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape, one of them will get back to you.

Answering Machine - Chekov's Voice

(Chekov's voice:) Oh Keptin! It was Khan! He made us do things... Say things we did not vant to say... But we vere strong, Keptin! Ve held out until ve heard the beep...