Technology Jokes - Computer Jokes
Q: What do you call a robot whose sole purpose is to have one-night stands?
A: Nuts and bolts
Q: What did the lumberjack like best about his new computer?
A: Logging in
Don't Touch Me
For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face. She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen. The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor and quaking red-faced. I started to type, "Leave me alone!" They both jumped back, silenced. "What the . . . " the teacher said. I typed, "I said leave me alone!" The kid got real upset. "I didn't do anything to it, I swear!" It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000 went on for an amazing five minutes.
Me: "Don't touch me!"
Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that hard."
Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!" Etc.
Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer and fell out of my chair laughing. After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.
Redneck Computer Terms
- Backup - What you do when you sight a skunk in the woods.
- Bar code - Them's the fight'n rules down da local tavern.
- Bug - The reason you is a giv'n for calling in sick.
- Byte - What yer pit bull dun to cusin Jethro.
- Cache - Needed when you go to da store.
- Chip - Yer cusin's uncle's mother's boyfriend's name.
- Terminal - Time to call da undertaker.
- Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
- Digital - The art of counting on your fingers.
- Diskette - A female Disco dancer.
- Hacker - Uncle Leroy after thirty years of smoking.
- Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
- Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
- Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
- Mac - Big Bob's favorite fast food.
- Megahertz - How your head feels after seventeen beers.
- Modem - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall.
- Mouse pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live.
- Network - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line.
- Online - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test.
- Rom - Where the pope lives.
- Screen - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch.
- Serial port - A red wine you drink with breakfast.
- Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year.
- Scsi - What you call your week-old underwear.
Q: Why was there a bug in the Smartphone?
A: It was looking for a byte to eat.