Computer Dating Service

A young lady visited a computer dating service and requested, "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?" The matchmaker said, "What exactly are you looking for?" " Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour if I don't go out. Be able to tell me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The matchmaker entered the information into the computer and, in a matter of moments, handed the results to the woman. The results read, "Buy a television."  

Play it Again

Q: My son asked me what it was like to be married.
A: I deleted all the music off his iPod except one song.

If Apple ran Christmas

If Apple ran Christmas, It would do everything the Microsoft ornaments do, but years earlier, and with a smaller mouse (not stirring of course).