Remarks Never Heard At Daytona

• None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth.
• Tampax! Get your Tampax here!
• Hey, shut up! I can't hear the race!
• Sex with your sister? Man, that's sick.
• My God, this is a splendid Merlot.
• Hey, you with the large breasts, out of the way. We're trying to watch a race here.
• Jeeves, be a good man and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my attach case. Then fetch me some clotted cream for my scone.
• What a coincidence, Hank, all my friends are boycotting Hooters, too.
• These are even better seats than we had for the Lionel Richie concert.
• Good morning, Mr. Trickle. We at 'Depends' understand you're looking for a new corporate sponsor.
• Filling in for Dale 'The Intimidator' Earnhardt today is substitute driver, Michael 'Lord of the Dance' Flatley.
• And now, singing our national anthem, international recording artist Boy George.

Olympic Swimmer

A female Olympic swimmer was talking with one of her teammates about using steroids. She claimed that she was going to quit taking them because she was growing hair in scary places.
When her friend asked her where the hair was growing, she replied, "On my nuts."

Pole Walter?

As I was walking down the street, I noted a man with a large pole in his hand and stopped to ask, "Are you a pole-vaulter?" His response was, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"