If Men Ruled The Sports World
- Once a year, you could gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets and go pillage a nearby town.
- The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football From a Different Camera Angle."
- The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers' mascot.
A Golfer And A Sky-Diver
Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK!
Remarks Never Heard At Daytona
- None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth.
- Tampax! Get your Tampax here!
- Hey, shut up! I can't hear the race!
- Sex with your sister? Man, that's sick.
- My God, this is a splendid Merlot.
- Hey, you with the large breasts, out of the way. We're trying to watch a race here.
- Jeeves, be a good man and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my attach case. Then fetch me some clotted cream for my scone.
- What a coincidence, Hank, all my friends are boycotting Hooters, too.
- These are even better seats than we had for the Lionel Richie concert.
- Good morning, Mr. Trickle. We at 'Depends' understand you're looking for a new corporate sponsor.
- Filling in for Dale 'The Intimidator' Earnhardt today is substitute driver, Michael 'Lord of the Dance' Flatley.
- And now, singing our national anthem, international recording artist Boy George.
Q: Three snowboarders are riding in the backseat of a car. Who is driving?
A: The sheriff!
Q: What do you say to a snowboard instructor in summer?
A: A Big Mac and fries please!