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The best jokes and joke writers!

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal. While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon a construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, "Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted. The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, "McTavish, the hammer." He was also admitted. The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, "O'Sullivan, fencing."

Hide and Seek

Q: Why is it so hard to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament?

A: Good players are hard to find.

Bowling Alley Prank Call

Call a bowling alley, and ask, "Do you have 10 lb. balls?"
When the attendant says yes, ask, "Then how the hell do you walk?"

Busted!

The swimming pool opened today. Guess it was just my dumb luck, I got caught taking a pee in the pool.
The darn lifeguard yelled at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

Frog on the Cricket Team

Q: What happened when a frog joined the cricket team?

A: He bowled long hops!