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The best jokes and joke writers!

Why Ask Why - 3

  • When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
  • If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
  • Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
  • Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
  • Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
  • Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
  • Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
  • Why does one get in trouble for wreckLESS driving?
  • Does a fish get cramps after eating?
  • Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Beethoven's Ninth Game

The St. Louis Symphony was playing Beethoven's Ninth one night. One bass player said to the other: ''We don't have much to do. Let's go next door for a few drinks.'' They stayed for a while and got a little tipsy. One said to the other: ''To give us more time, I tied the pages of the music together so the conductor will have to untie it when he gets near the end.''
They staggered back into the auditorium just in time for the finish. The next day when someone asked their friend how the concert was they replied: ''The most exciting part was at the end of the Ninth when the score was tied and the bassists were loaded.''

One Ticket Rivalry

Two Yankees fans are on a train up to Boston to watch their team play the Red Sox. They start making fun of a couple of Red Sox supporters who only have one ticket between the two of them. Just before the conductor appears both Red Sox fans go into the bathroom and lock the door behind them. When the conductor knocks on the door they slip the ticket under the door, the conductor clips it and slides it back under the door and off he goes. On the return journey the Yankees fans decide to pull the same trick and purchase only one ticket for the two of them. They notice that yet again the two Red Sox supporters only have one ticket between them. The Yankees fans realize there is only one bathroom per carriage and quickly take the lead, locking themselves in first, leaving the Red Sox fans with nowhere to go. A minute later the Red Sox fan without a ticket strolls over to the bathroom and knocks on the door.

18 Legs

Q: What has 18 legs and catches flies?

A: A baseball team.

Orphan Baseball

Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?

A: Because they don't know where home is.