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The best jokes and joke writers!

Michael and the Orioles

Q: What do Michael Jackson and the Baltimore Orioles have in common?

A: They both walk around with one glove on their hand for no apparent reason.

Watch Real Baseball

Top Ten Signs you're Not Watching a Real Baseball Team

From Late Show with David Letterman; Monday, February 20, 1995

  1. You recognize batter as the kid who sold you a hot dog a couple minutes earlier.
  2. Everytime a player slides into second, he busts his hip.
  3. They keep shouting "Do over!"
  4. When umpire yells, "Strike 3!" The batter looks at him as if the dude's speaking French.
  5. Try as they might, they just can't scratch themselves like professionals.
  6. First base: Siskel. Second base: Ebert.
  7. Game stops when some lady in a house near the stadium shouts "Dinner time!"
  8. Players constantly adjusting each other's cups.
  9. You overheard the coach yelling, "Run, Forrest, run!"
  10. They play like the Mets

Heaven Playing Sports

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys. "Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches." "I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires."

Young Baseball Player

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach, "now go over there and explain it to your mother."

Canadian Baseball

Q: What do you call a Canadian Baseball team?

A: Foreigners.