Impressing a Woman/Man
How To Impress a Woman: Compliment her. Cuddle her. Kiss her. Tease her. Comfort her. Hug her. Send her flowers. Wine and dine her. Listen to her. Care for her. Hold her. Support her.
How to Impress a Man: Show up naked..... with beer.
Why Man, Then Woman
God created man before creating woman, because you need a rough draft before you create a masterpiece.
Praying to Cross a Lake
Three guys had to cross a lake. The first one prayed to God for the strength, he swam across the lake, but almost died 5 times. The second guy prayed to God for the strength and the tools, he made a boat, and rowed himself across the lake, he almost died 3 times. The third guy prayed to God for the strength, the tools, and the brains. He turned into a girl, walked 4 yards, and crossed the bridge.
Three guys named Larry
Three ladies are sitting in a bar. All of them have husbands named Larry. One lady asks, "If you could name your husband after any soda pop, what would it be?" The first lady thinks for a minute and says, "Mountain Dew, because he can mount and do me anytime." The second lady thinks for awhile and finally says, "7-Up, because he has seven inches and can always get it up." The third lady thinks for a long time and finally says, "Jack Daniels." The other ladies look at her with a confused look and say, "Wait a minute, Jack Daniels is a hard liquor." The third lady says, "Yep, thats my Larry!"
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked."Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."