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The best jokes and joke writers!

12 Perks of Being a Female

  1. We can get a day off from male bosses just by hinting at "female trouble."
  2. When we buy a vibrator, it's sexy. When men buy a blow-up doll, it's pathetic.
  3. Taxis stop for us.
  4. We get free drinks just for showing up.
  5. Condoms don't make us lose sensation.
  6. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
  7. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
  8. We can talk to men without picturing them naked.
  9. Occasionally, chocolate really can solve all our problems.
  10. Gay men don't make us uncomfortable, unless they're better dressed than we are.
  11. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
  12. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

Used Brain

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky, but it's the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$100,000 for a male brain, and $1000 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask: "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group: "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

Homie Hopping

There are some girls that like to do something called "homie hopping" and homie hopping is basically a girl dates a guy and then she ends up trying to get with his friends, and then she gets with someone new, then jumps to his other friends, and so on. Guys have this and it's called "testing the waters."

Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM, Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Men's Brains

Q: Why don't women have men's brains?

A: They don't have a penis to put them in!