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The best jokes and joke writers!

Husbands Can't Win

Brandon was reading Yahoo news and came across a study that said women use more words than men. It read, "Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000." Excited to prove to his new wife Kaitlyn that he had been right all along when he accused her of talking too much, he showed her the study results. Kaitlyn thought for a while, then finally said to Brandon, "It's because we have to repeat everything we say." Brandon said, "What?"

Men's Rude Awakening

The men who do make it to Heaven are going to have a rude awakening up there when they find out two things:

God is a woman...and she nailed down all of Heaven's toilet seats!

I'm Glad I'm a Man

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe. I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts. I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west. I don't get wasted after only 2 beers and when I do drink I don't end up in tears. I won't spend hours deciding what to wear, I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair and I don't go around checking my reflection in everything shiny from every direction. I don't whine in public and make us leave early and when you ask why get all bitter and surly. I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing. I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back. I don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you or think every guy out there's trying to steal you. I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too. I know what the time is and I know what to do. And I honestly think its a privilege for me to have these two balls and stand when I pee. I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball. It's more fun than dealing with women after all. I won't cry if you figure out it's not going to work. I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk. Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure. I won't assume it's permanent by any measure. Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see. I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery. I don't get all bitchy every 28 days. I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise. I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true. I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!

You're What?

A recent survey shows that the most common form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: "You're WHAT?!?!?"

How To Get Rid Of Roaches

Q: How does the single woman get rid of roaches?

A: She asks them for a commitment.