Santa Can't Be A Man

• Men can't pack a bag.
• Men wouldn't be caught dead wearing red velvet.
• Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen with all those elves.
• Men don't answer their mail.
• Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
• Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
• Having to do the "Ho, Ho, Ho," thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
• Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

Why Is Sleeping With a Man Like a Soap Opera?

Q: Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
A: Just when it's getting interesting they are finished until next time.

Small Prick

True story: About a week ago, I broke my ankle (in three places) and was in the hospital for several days. My first night in the hospital, after having surgery to rejoin my bones with pins and plates and such, I was in a great deal of pain and quite immobile.  My nurse for that first night was a very nice 50 year old lady with a strong German accent. At one point in the middle of the night, she came in to give me a shot of morphine. She asked where I would like the shot and I pointed to my right thigh. I slid my blankets down and she lifted my gown. With my gown raised, she uttered the words, "Okay, small prick," and proceeded with the injection. I'm still not sure whether her words were meant to warn me of the upcoming pain or as an editorial comment.