Sex Jokes - Prostitute Jokes

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Motel 65

Ethel checked into a Motel on her 65th Birthday, she was lonely, a little depressed at her advancing age so decided to risk an adventure. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages. She looked through the phone book, found a full-page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony, a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six-pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a  dime off his well-oiled buns.
She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call. "Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?"
Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy! Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, so she rushed right in, "I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.  We'll go at it all night ... tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready! Now how does that sound?"
He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

Categories: Sex Jokes (Prostitute Jokes) , Old Age Jokes (Old Age Sex Jokes)
Submitted BY: PatB

Irish Daughter

An Irish daughter, gone for five years, comes home for New Year's Eve. Upon her return, her father cursed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?" The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute..." "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family." "OK, Dad -- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million." "For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Day on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..." "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff. "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug."

Categories: Sex Jokes (Prostitute Jokes) , Religion Jokes (Protestant Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes (Irish Jokes) , Holiday Jokes
Anonymous

Because I'm That Good

A hooker brings a client to her condo on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago. The client asks her if she gives good hand jobs. "You see this condo? I bought it by giving good hand jobs." Her client tells her to give him a hand job. Afterwards, he is impressed and asks her if she gives good blow jobs. "Look out the window. See that red Ferrari on the street? I bought it by giving good blow jobs." Her client asks her to give him a blow job. Afterwards, he is really impressed and asks her if she is good in bed. "Look out the window. See that big yacht out there on Lake Michigan? I could own that if only I had a vagina."

Categories: Sex Jokes (Prostitute Jokes) , Money Jokes (Rich People Jokes) , Sex Jokes (Transvestite Jokes)
Anonymous