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The best jokes and joke writers!

Vegas Brothel

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!" The Madam is astonished.
"But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies,
"Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'm homesick."

Wait in the Car

Upon returning to their car from a shopping, one of the young ladies realized that she had forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for her birth control pills. She rushed into the nearest pharmacy and gave her prescription to the pharmacist. "Please fill this immediately," she asked. "I've got people waiting in my car!"

Bubba and Junior

Two good ol' boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted from Privates to Sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Bubba says, "Hey, Junior - there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in and have us a drank."

"But we's privates," protests Junior.

"NO, we's sergeants now," says Bubba, pulling him inside. "Now, Junior, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drank."

"But, we's privates," says Junior.

"You blind, boy!" says Bubba, pointing at his stripes. "We's Sergeants now!" So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Bubba. "You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to take you someplace and make you feel good -- but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."

Bubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Junior, go look in the dictionary and see what that gonorrhea means. If it's good, give me the okay sign." Junior goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Bubba the big okay sign.

Three weeks later Bubba is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea. "Junior," he says, "What you give me the okay for?!"

"Well Bubba, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea only affects the privates." Then he pointed to his stripes and says, "But we's Sergeants now!

Blowing Chunks

Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before. 1st guy: "Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks."  2nd guy: "Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and given a DUI!" 3rd guy: "That's nothing. I was so drunk that on the way home I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed!" 1st guy: "No, no.. you guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog."

Natalie

The Madam opens the brothel door to see a well-dressed elderly man standing in the doorway. "Can I help you?" the Madam asks. "I want Natalie," the old man replies. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps someone else...?"  "No. I want Natalie."  Just then, Natalie appears and tells the old man that she charges $1,000 per hour.  Without so much as a blink he reaches into his pocket and pulls out ten crisp new $100 bills. The two go up to her room for an hour, whereupon he calmly leaves. The next night the old man appears again demanding Natalie. Natalie explains that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, that there are no discounts and that the rate is still $1,000 for one hour.  But once again, he takes out the money. The two go up to the room and he calmly leaves an hour later.  When he shows up for the third consecutive night, no one can believe it. Again he hands Natalie the money and up to the room, they go. At the end of the hour, Natalie decides to question the old man. "I'm not used to having the same customer come back three nights in a row.  Do you mind if I ask where you're from?"  "I'm from St. Louis."  "Really," replies Natalie. "I have a cousin who lives there."  "I know", says the old man. "Your cousin died and left you $3000 in her will. I'm her attorney - you've now been paid."