- Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
- Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
- Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
This Kid Knows The Answer!
One day at kindergarten, a teacher said to the class of 5-year old's, "I'll give $2 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either." Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin, come up here and I'll give you the $2." As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, "You know Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business!"
Proof That Jesus Was Jewish
Three Proofs that Jesus was Jewish:
- He went into his father's business.
- He lived at home until the age of 33.
- He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.
Three Proofs that Jesus was Irish:
- He never got married.
- He never held a steady job.
- His last request was a drink.
Three Proofs that Jesus was Puerto Rican:
- His first name was Jesus.
- He was always in trouble with the law.
- His mother wasn't married to his father.
Three Proofs that Jesus was Italian:
- He talked with his hand.
- He had wine with every meal.
- He worked in the building trades.
Three Proofs that Jesus was Black:
- He called everybody brother.
- He had no permanent address.
- Nobody would hire him.
Three Proofs that Jesus was Californian:
- He never cut his hair.
- He walked around barefoot.
- He invented a new religion.
Jesus & Joseph
St. Peter has a day-off from his duties at the gates to Heaven and Jesus is standing in for him. Whilst 'booking-in' the new arrivals Jesus notices an old man in the queue who seems familiar. When this man gets to the front of the queue Jesus asks him his name. "Joseph" is the reply, which makes Jesus more inquisitive. "Occupation?" is the next question, the reply being "Carpenter". Jesus is now getting quite excited. In quite a state Jesus asks "Did you have a little boy?", the answer is "yes". "Did he have holes in his wrists and ankles?" asks Jesus, "Yes" comes the reply. Jesus looks at the old man in front of him and with a tear in his eye shouts "FATHER, FATHER"?! The old man looks puzzled and after a moment replies.... "Pinnochio?"
Christ Not Polish
Q: Why wasn't Christ born in Poland?
A: Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin!