On Easter, Jesus rose from the dead. He'd been whipped, spat on, flogged, humiliated, and crucified.
In fact, he was beaten so badly you'd think he flew United.
Jewish Hanukkah Gifts
A Jewish guy's mother gives him two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time he visits her, he makes sure to wear one. As he walks into the house, his mother frowns and asks, "What -- you didn't like the other one?"
Jesus' Away Message
Jesus' away message on Good Friday, "BRB."
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married? A. Ruthless
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible? A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents? A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Jesus Goes to School
A Jesuit, a Dominican and a Franciscan were walking along an old road, debating the greatness of their orders. Suddenly, an apparition of the Holy Family appeared in front of them, with Jesus in a manger and Mary and Joseph praying over him. The Franciscan fell on his face, over come with awe at the of sight God born in such poverty. The Dominican fell to his knees, adoring the beautiful reflection of the Trinity and the Holy Family. The Jesuit walked up to Joseph, put his arm around his shoulder, and said, "So, where ya thinking of sending the kid for school?"