Religion Jokes - God Jokes

So I went to a mixed religion convention. The Christian Priest came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!” I smiled and told him I was not paralysed. The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today! I was less amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me. The Mullah came, took my hands and said, “Insha Allah, you will walk today!” I snapped at him, “There’s nothing wrong with me” The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, “By the will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!” I rudely told him there was nothing wrong with me.

After the sermons, I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen.

God and Moses were out golfing. They were both doing well. Then they came up to the 5th hole. It was a dogleg to the left, with a lake to the right. Moses got up and hit a long shot with a little hook. Right in the middle of the fairway. Then God got up and pulled out his driver. Then Moses said, "God, everytime you use you driver you always slice it." So God said, "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." So he approched the ball. Got ready, then hit a long one. It drifted to the right, SPLISH! Right in the middle of the lake. So Moses said, "See God, I told you that would happen. I'll get it this time but you'll have to get it next time." So Moses went out to the lake, held up his club, and parted the lake. Then he went down, picked up the ball, and came back. After that, everything was going fine. Until the 18th hole, straight away, with a long lake on the right. Moses hit a nice straight shot down the fairway. Then God took out his driver. Moses said, "God, last time you used your driver you sliced it. You always slice it." And God repeated, "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." So he got up, and hit the ball. Long hard shot, sliced, PLUNK! Moses said, "I got the last one." So God walked on the water, bent over, picked up the ball. About this time there was a foursome coming up behind them. One if the guys saw what God was doing and asked Moses, "Who does that guy think he is, Jesus?" Moses replied, "No. He thinks he's Arnold Palmer."

God created man before creating woman, because you need a rough draft before you create a masterpiece.

Three guys had to cross a lake. The first one prayed to God for the strength, he swam across the lake, but almost died 5 times. The second guy prayed to God for the strength and the tools, he made a boat, and rowed himself across the lake, he almost died 3 times. The third guy prayed to God for the strength, the tools, and the brains. He turned into a girl, walked 4 yards, and crossed the bridge.

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn't be late for church.  As she ran she kept praying, "Dear God, please don't let me be late to church.  Please don't let me be late to church.  "As she was running she tripped and fell.  When she got back up she began praying again, "Please, God don't let me be late to church, but don't shove me either!"