Black White Red - Doesn't Fit

Q: What's black, white, red all over, and doesn't fit through revolving doors?
A: A nun with a spear through her head.

God's Gift

I was blessed with a 9-inch penis
Thank God the priest is now in jail.

A Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,
I think you'd be proud of me! So far today I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, lusted, lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. Praise Your Name! I'm grateful for Your grace...
But Lord, a few minutes from now, I'm getting out of bed. From then on I'm going to need a lot MORE of Your help!