What Have You Done

The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. "Paddy," he said, "I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day." "Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done?"

Satan Knows Best

Struggling to make ends meet on a first-call salary, the pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this?!" "I was outside the store looking at the dress in the window, and then I found myself trying it on," she explained. "It was like Satan was whispering in my ear, 'You look fabulous in that dress. Buy it!'" "Well," the pastor replied, "You know how I deal with that kind of temptation. I say, 'Get behind me, Satan!'" "I did," replied his wife, "but then he said, 'It looks fabulous from back here, too!'"

Car-stianity

"Haul a Yugo. Haul a Yugo." Gearly beloved, we are Blazered here in the name of our Four-door, who art in Half-ton. I'm speaking of our lord and Mazda, Jeep-sus Chrysler.  He is the Alfa and the Romeo.  He was born in a Ranger, he was Tempo'd by the DeVille, and he Daihatsu'd for your Sentras. He said, "Dodge not, that ye not be Dodged. Thou shalt not Corvette thy neighbor's Whitewall, but turn the other Cherokee.  If ye have Fiat, ye can move Montecarlos. He ain't Chevy, he's my Beretta." He ate the Last Supra, and he climbed the mount of Cavalier, where they Cruise-controlled him on the Motocross. But God, in his Infiniti Mercedes, did Rolls away the Stanza. Let us Prelude: Sayeth the prophet Isuzu, in the Dusenburg Bible, In the 23rd Saab, "The Ford is my Chauffeur.  I shall not Walk.  He Lexus me in the paths of Right-turn-signals. Yea, though I walk through the Valet of the Shadow of Dart, I shall Fiero no Eagle.  Subaru Good  wrench and Mercury shall Volvo me Audi Daytonas of my life, and I shall Dwellmeter house of Delorean, Four-cylinder." Gloria, In Ex-Celica Geo!