The Two Bees

Two bees ran into each other. One asked the other how things were going. "Really bad," said the second bee, "the weather has been really wet and damp and there aren't any flowers or pollen, so I can't make any honey. "No problem," said the first bee, "Just fly down five blocks and turn left and keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit." "Thanks for the tip," said the second bee and flew away. A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again and the first bee asked, "How'd it go?" "Fine," said the second bee, "it was everything you said it would be." "Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked the first bee. "That's my yarmulka," said the second bee, "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."

The Pious and Atheist Neighbors

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church. However, the atheist's life was good. He had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low. His wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day. So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked, "Oh God, I honor you every day. I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"
And a great voice was heard from above, "BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"

Black Nuns

Q: Why can't black women become nuns?
A: They can't say superior after mother.