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The best jokes and joke writers!

Juggler Test

A juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police.

"What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer.

"I juggle them in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it."

So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"

Paper Joke

Q: Why wouldn't the comedian tell the joke about paper?

A: It was tearable.

Hypnotist and Students in Auditorium

A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium full of students one night. He began to speak in a soft and steady voice over the loud-speaker system. "Listen to the sound of my voice...", he kept repeating, "the sound of my voice... every word is a command... the sound of my voice..." Pretty soon, he had every single student in the audience completely mesmerized, each one hanging on his every word. Needing to take a quick piss, he announced "I will have to leave the stage for a moment, but you will all remain in a trance while I am gone" And then he repeated the words "the sound of my voice... every word is a command." As he turned to go, he tripped over the microphone cord, landed on his butt, and yelled "SHIT!"

What is your IQ?

Bob is throwing a party. He decides that, to break the ice at his party, he'll ask his guests what their I.Q. is -- hopefully this will strike up an appropriate conversation from there. The day of Bob's party rolls around, and when the first guest knocks on the door, Bob asks the person what her I.Q. is. "200,000" replies the first guest. "Well, that's great," says Bob, let's talk about ethereal astro physics. Bob and this first guest talk about the aforementioned subject for a while. Later in the party, someone else is at the door. "Hi my name is Bob; welcome to my party, what's your I.Q.?" The new guest responds with "250". "Great," says Bob. "Lets talk about advanced math. Bob and his new guest talk about calculus and statistics for awhile. Much later in the party, after many more guests had arrived and been spoken to by Bob, yet another guest arrives at the door. "Hi, my name's Bob; welcome to my party, what's your I.Q.?" This time the guest replies after putting some thought into it "five". "Well, that's great," says Bob, "what kind of drumsticks do you use?"

Musical Q & A

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Twenty. One to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, "I can do that!"

Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse, but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

A: Bach in the saddle again.

Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it's electrified.

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

Q: How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Seven; one to change and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.

Q: Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

A: Because he's Haydn!

Q: What's musical and handy in a supermarket?

A: A Chopin Liszt.

Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A: A pair of Re-bachs.

Q: What do you call a male quartet?

A: Three men and a tenor.