Catholic Light-Bulbs

Q: How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer candles!

It Finally Happened

A man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, "I know I was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to Heaven, but I'm really curious... What does Hell look like?"
So Saint Peter thought about it a moment and finally said, "I'll tell you what, I'll let you see what Hell looks like before you are officially entered into Heaven. Come with me." And so Saint Peter lead the man to an elevator and said, "Take this elevator to the very bottom floor. When the door opens you will see what Hell looks like, but whatever you do, do not get out of the elevator."
The man said "Thank you" and then climbed into the elevator and hit the button for the lowest floor. After nearly an hour waiting in the elevator the doors opened and the man peered out. Before him was a lifeless frozen wasteland. All the man could see were huge mountains of ice through blankets of snow.
Remembering what Saint Peter said, the man quickly pushed the button for the top floor, the doors closed and he traveled back up to Heaven. After returning to Heaven the man approached Saint Peter and said, "I'm ready to enter into Heaven now, but before I do I have just one more question."
"Go ahead", replied Saint Peter.
The man asked, "I thought Hell would be fire and brimstone, but instead all I saw was snow and ice. Is that what it's really like?"
Saint Peter thought about this for a second and finally answered, "Snow and ice, huh? I guess the Denver Broncos finally won the Super Bowl!!"

Little Catholic Kids Prays for a Car

A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could. "God," he prayed, "I really want a car."  Jumping up and dashing to the window, he saw that the driveway was empty.  "God," he prayed again, "I really NEED a car."  Still no answer to his prayers. Suddenly the kid stood up, ran into his parents' bedroom, and grabbed the statuette of the Virgin Mary off the mantelpiece. He wrapped it up in ten layers of paper, using three rolls of tape and a spool of twine, then stuffed it inside a box at the very bottom of his closet.  "Okay, God," he said, getting down onto his knees again, "if you ever want to see your mother again..."