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Relationship Jokes - Man Criticizes Woman
Shoplifting
An old lady was arrested for shoplifting carrots. At her court hearing the judge looked at her and said, "I'm going to sentence you to one day for every carrot you stole to teach you a lesson. You stole four carrots so that's four days jail time for you."
Before he could swing his gavel down the old lady's husband raises his hand and says "Your honor, can I make a statement on behalf of my wife before you pass sentencing?"
The judge says "Yes, make it quick I have other cases to try today." The husband looks at his wife, then the judge and says "She also stole a can of peas."
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Shades of Grey
My wife said she wanted to see 50 shades of grey.
So I took a photo of her hair.
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Expensive Date
I went out with my girlfriend and asked her, "Why is it every time I go out with you, I end up spending hundreds of dollars?" She answered, "Because I'm a prostitute."
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