Admin Harris

The admin, Ms. Harris,  came in late for work the third day in a row.  The boss called her into his office and said, "Now look, Ms. Harris, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here."  The boss pressed on, " Who told you you could come and go as you please around here?" Ms. Harris simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said, "My lawyer."

Salesman and Hit Man Playing Golf

Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" " I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." " You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" " The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." " I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." " I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"

Auto Sex

Wife told me she wants to have sex in the back of the car...
She asked me if I would mind driving.