Uh-Oh!!

The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the "other man".
The husband convinced himself that his would still be in a loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S.O.B. come onto the scene. Being a man of the 90's and all, he decided to handle the matter in what he judged to be sophisticated and business-likemanner.
He sent the following e-mail to his wife's lover: Sir, It has been brought to my attention that for some time now you have been carrying on an affair with my wife. So that we may settle this matter in an intelligent fashion, please be at my office at 3 PM on Friday next.
The "other man" was highly amused by the husband's formal manner and sent off the following reply at once: Dear Sir, I have received a copy of your mass mailing this morning. You may be advised that I will attend the scheduled conference in your Office's auditorium.

Interpretation

I was having sex with a woman when her husband got home early. She told me to use the back door and to be quick.
I probably should have just left, but it's not every day you get an offer like that.

The Good Wife Fetches All

Gena is such a good wife. Why, when her husband gets home late at night, as soon as he enters the door, he gets his pipe, slippers, pajamas, robe, book, and dinner.  And, if anything else is handy, she heaves that at him, too!