You Get The Ring Back

Q: What`s the difference between engagement and hemorrhoids?
A: When the hemorrhoids are over you at least get the ring back.

Couple's Round of Golf

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife," he tells the doctor, "when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and I noticed one of the cows had something white in its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball stuck right in the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake." "What did you do?" asks the doctor. "Well, as I was standing there holding up the tail, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"

Lawyer's Good News And Bad News

A wealthy man sat in his attorney's office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" The lawyer asked. "Give me the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars." "That's the bad news?" The man asked incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news." "It's of you and your mistress."