The Woman's Compact Instruction Book

THE WOMAN'S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK

• Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
• Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
• Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
• What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
• So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
• If they can put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there.
• Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
• Never let your man's mind wander - its too little to be left out alone.
• Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
• Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every penny.
• Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
• The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
• If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books.
• A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh all right, I'll stay the night".
• Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.
• Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.
• If he asks you if you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing.
• When he asks you if he's your first tell him, "You may be, you look familiar."

Related To The Devil

A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared. He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man. When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked "aren't you afraid of me, I'm evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!" The man replied "You don't scare me, I've been married to your sister for 35 years".

Hot Bath

Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.