Market Research

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.
He said, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"
She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."
"If you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"
"We use it for sex."
The researcher was a little taken aback.
He said, "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"
The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."

Be Careful On Top

A man, being on top of a woman, says after a while:  "Honey, your tits are too small, and your box is too tight," "Get off my back, dear!" she replies

The Woman's Compact Instruction Book

THE WOMAN'S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK

• Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
• Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
• Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
• What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
• So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
• If they can put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there.
• Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
• Never let your man's mind wander - its too little to be left out alone.
• Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
• Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every penny.
• Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
• The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
• If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books.
• A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh all right, I'll stay the night".
• Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.
• Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.
• If he asks you if you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing.
• When he asks you if he's your first tell him, "You may be, you look familiar."