Smart Phone Trouble

My girlfriend texted me "helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative"
Anybody know what "ternative" means?

Admin Harris

The admin, Ms. Harris,  came in late for work the third day in a row.  The boss called her into his office and said, "Now look, Ms. Harris, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here."  The boss pressed on, " Who told you you could come and go as you please around here?" Ms. Harris simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said, "My lawyer."

Channel Surfing

An redneck couple were at home watching TV.  Tom had the remote and was switching back and forth between the hunting channel and the porn channel. Judy became more and more annoyed and finally said, "For God's sake, Tom, leave it on the porn channel. You know how to hunt!"