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The best jokes and joke writers!

Golf Game Respects

Two guys are golfing on a course that is right next to a cemetery. After they tee off, one of the golfers notices that there is a funeral procession passing by. So he takes off his hat, and places it over his heart. When the funeral is over, the other golfer looks at the guy and asks, ''Why did you do that?'' The man replies, ''Well we were married for almost 40 years. It's the least I could do.''

Wife For Sale

A man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you 100 camels for your woman." After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale." The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?" The husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."

The Wife Smacks Her Husband

All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, "What was that for?"  Wife said, "Because, you are a bad fuck". Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, "And may I ask what's that about?" Husband said, " Simple, because you know the difference."

Doctor's Orders

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die":

  1. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood.
  2. At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work.
  3. For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't burden him with household chores.
  4. Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had told her. "You're going to die," she replied.

Girlfriend vs Wife / Boyfriend vs Husband

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 lbs.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes