Golf Game Respects

Two guys are golfing on a course that is right next to a cemetery. After they tee off, one of the golfers notices that there is a funeral procession passing by. So he takes off his hat, and places it over his heart. When the funeral is over, the other golfer looks at the guy and asks, ''Why did you do that?'' The man replies, ''Well we were married for almost 40 years. It's the least I could do.''

Cockroach Killing

My wife is too afraid of cockroaches. One fine day, I heard a scream from my wife. She saw a cockroach and was screaming. I asked her to take the killing spray and to spray it on the cockroach. She took the spray and turned to me and said, "This spray is only to kill mosquitos, and how can it work for the cockroach?" I said to her, "Don't show the label to the cockroach."

Lottery Winner

A man comes home to his wife after winning the lottery. He asked her, "Honey, if I were to win the lottery, what would you do?" The wife becomes started by her husband's inquiry but replies, "Well I would take half of it and then leave you."
With a huge grin on his face, her husband says, "Perfect! I won ten dollars!"