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Relationship Jokes
Heart Attack
A man comes home and hears hard breathing and female noises from inside the apartment. He walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. His wife yells, "Help, help, I am having a heart attack!"
The husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run up to him and says, "Daddy, daddy, there is a naked man in the closet."
Husband opens the closet door and sees his friend Bob. He yells at Bob, "Bob, god damn it, my wife is having a heart attack and here you are trying to scare the kids!!!"
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Marriage Not
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess immediately said, "No!" And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony, and dated cheerleaders and kept his house and guns, and ate spam and potato chips and beans, and blew enormous farts, and never got cheated on while he was at work, and all his friends and family thought he was friggin' cool as hell, and he had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up. The End.
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Granny Rules
My Grandad was wounded by a German during the war
Granny Schneider found him in bed with another woman and shot him
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