Q: If an accountant's spouse cannot sleep, what is the best cure?
A: Ask the accountant to talk about their work.
Yo Mama - Wedding Ring
Yo' Mama is so fat, she needed a hula hoop for her wedding ring.
A man suspected his wife was cheating on him, so when he left town, he hired a famous Chinese detective to investigate. A few days later, he received this letter:
Most Honorable Sir,
You leave house, he come to house. He and she leave house, I follow. He and she go to hotel, I climb tree to see. He kiss she, she kiss he. He strip she, she strip he. I play with me, I fall out of tree, I not see.
Q: What do tornados and a redneck divorce have in common?
A: Somebody's gonna lose a trailer!
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"