Redneck Jokes - Hillbilly Jokes

Two old friends from the mountains ran into each other at the local bar. One said, "Heard ya went to the big city Jeb." His friend replied, "Yep. Even tried me out one of those 'loose women' ya always hear about." "You don't say."  said the first man. "Bet that was costly." "Nope." Jeb smirked. "Kinfolk." 

An old hillbilly and his wife had never been more than 7 miles from their home in the East Tennessee Smokies. One day the man said to his wife, "Honey, you know we're not getting any younger and I sure would like to take a vacation and stay in one of those fancy hotels in the city before I die." That sounded good to her so they started scrimping and saving. Four years later they had enough for them and their never-married adult son to go and spend 5 nights in a very posh hotel in the big city. They all piled into the man's old pickup and headed out. When they got to the hotel the man said to his wife, "Mama, you just wait in the truck. Junior and I will go in and be sure this is the right place." When they stepped into the lobby they both thought they had died and gone to heaven. There were indoor streams and water fountains, polished marble and gleaming brass everywhere. Though, the most amazing thing of all was the elevator. They stood there and watched the lights flash, the doors open and close and people getting on and off. A stooped over little lady, who was 90, approached the elevators and pushed the "Up" arrow. The door opened and she got on. The door closed. The lights above the door flashed. They flashed some more and the door opened. The most stunning 24-year-old, green-eyed blonde you've ever seen stepped off and went into the lounge. The son looked at his dad. The dad looked at his son for just a second and then said, "Son, go git yer Ma."

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey there up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!" "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?", asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."

Q: How many rednecks does it take to eat a possum?

A: Three. One to eat it and two to watch for cars.

• Any of your neighbors has ever spent Halloween night at the bottom of a hole because you moved their outhouse back about four feet.
• You've ever lost a dog to a bush hog.
• You've ever been arrested for a DUI on a riding lawn mower.
• You keep your teeth and your goldfish in the same glass.
• On average, one out of every thirty words you use can be found in a dictionary.
• You think Motorola is a fancy name for a car part.
• You give your girlfriend long-thorned roses hoping she won't ask for them again.
• You borrow your wedding flowers from Wal-Mart.