Hitchhiker

A man stood on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. He walked for hours with no cars passing him. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn't come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve. The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a bar and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn't drunk.
About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same bar, and one said to the other. "Look Bubba, that's the jerk who climbed into the car while we were pushing."

You Might Be A Redneck - Continued

You might be a reneck if...

• You watch "The Dukes Of Hazzard" and have to find someone to explain it to you.
• Your mom kisses you goodnight and you go to school the next day telling everyone you've met your future wife.
• When your wife walks in front of you it looks like two pigs fighting in a gunny sack.
• Your only excuse for smelling bad is it runs in the family.
• Your favorite fruit is chicken.
• You think those yellow traffic signs that say "Slow children at play" means the kids in the area are not too bright.
• At least one of the kitchen appliances on your front porch is more than forty years old.
• You think "Country & Western" covers both types of music.
• You've ever used a hangnail as a tooth pick.

You Might Be A Redneck If - Continued

You might be a redneck if...

• You have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have mistaken it for your spit can.
• You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can.
• Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up.
• You see a forest fire and think 'Bar-B-Q'.
• You've ever strained your tea through a flyswatter.
• Your mother is hairier than your father.
• Instead of flossing you use a plunger.
• You take the back window out of your pickup because it's easier to chuck the empty beer cans in the back that way. When the back fills up with empty beer cans, you get another pickup and start all over again.
• Your grandma can bench press a truck axle.